


"you were there for me"

by never_bloom_again



Series: @abitcriminalminds 1k prompt drabbles! [9]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Episode: s03e16 Elephant's Memory, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Protective Derek Morgan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:59:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26904010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/never_bloom_again/pseuds/never_bloom_again
Summary: from the prompt: "You’re the only reason I’m still here"Derek has regrets.
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Series: @abitcriminalminds 1k prompt drabbles! [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1958302
Comments: 14
Kudos: 121





	"you were there for me"

“I’ve always wished I was there for you,” Derek said.

It took a moment for Spencer to work out what Derek had been talking about - although it was still slightly unclear. 

  
“When I was younger?”

It made sense. Derek was a protector above all else, so of course he would want to go back and protect Spencer from the demons that now haunted him. Even without being such a protector, Spencer often wished he could do the same for Derek - go back, and make sure that he knew he wasn’t alone, that things weren’t always going to be like that, that he could succeed, even without Carl. Especially without Carl.

But after having told Derek about Alexa Lisbon, about the goalpost, it made sense that he would feel particularly guilty, even if there was nothing he could have done to prevent it.

Much to Spencer’s surprise, Derek shook his head, leaving Spencer confused.

He furrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head, about to ask what Derek meant then, but before he could, Derek began to speak. 

“I know we weren’t dating then, but I should have been there for you, y’know? You were still my best friend, and I failed you.”

A clearer picture as to what Derek was talking about developed in his mind.

“You mean after… With the Dilaudid?”

Spencer was shocked by what Derek was saying. On one hand, it was logical that Derek, now in hindsight, wished he had been there more for Spencer, however it was not Derek’s fault, and Spencer had been trying his best to hide it, and wouldn’t have accepted help if it had been offered.

Regardless, it wasn’t Derek’s fault - none of it was. In fact, even if he didn’t know it, he had been the motivating force for Spencer to get clean; Spencer had just wanted to be good enough for Derek, and being a druggie wasn’t good enough.

“Der, you were there for me, maybe not in the way yo-”

“Pretty Boy, don’t lie to me, I didn’t do what I should have.”

Spencer had to calm him down - he could feel Derek’s temper rising as he became angrier and angrier. It wasn’t that Spencer feared that Derek would hurt him - he would never do that - but more so that he would hurt himself, either intentionally or not. He had seen Derek spiral like this before, and it was never pretty.

“You’re the only reason I’m still here, okay?” Spencer began, as confidently as he could, trying to stun Derek into a momentary silence.

“You are the reason I got clean, and have stayed that way. Over 90% of opiate addicts relapse, but I haven’t. Maybe you weren’t as there for me as you wished at the start, but I didn’t want your help. I wouldn’t have taken it.”

Derek seemed calmer than he had been before, although he still looked like he wanted to protest.

“Anyways, it’s not your job to save me. You love me, and that’s enough.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! Leave a comment to let me know what you thought.  
> Thanks for reading!


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